Just cut and paste the authors name to find the rest of that persons quotes


"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me
this watch."
-- Woody Allen.

"The report of my death was an exaggeration."
-- Mark Twain.

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."
-- George Burns.

"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate."
-- Ambrose Bierce.

"It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead your made for life."
-- Jimi Hendrix.

"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap."
-- Bob Hope.

"When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick."
-- George Burns.

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an
insurance salesman?"
-- Woody Allen.

"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that
I'm going to miss mine by just a few days."
-- Garrison Kielor.