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OLD AGE AND DEATH


"When you've told someone that you've left them a legacy the only decent thing to
do is to die at once."
-- Samuel Butler.

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what
else you could do while you're down there."
-- George Burns.

"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of
them were just napping."
-- Rita Rudner.

"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying
down ."
-- Woody Allen.

"People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I
tell them, a paternity suit."
-- George Burns.

"I do wish I could tell you my age but it's impossible. It keeps changing all the time."
-- Greer Garson.

"At my age flowers scare me."
-- George Burns.

"I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be
anywhere."
-- George Burns.

"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."
-- Rita Rudner.

"My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: What are
you looking at?"
-- Margaret Smith.



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