Marriage (Negative)

I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

-- Lewis Grizzard

Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

-- Marx Groucho, the film "Animal Crackers"

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

-- Katharine Hepburn

Bigamy is one way of avoiding the painful publicity of divorce and the expense of alimony.

-- Oliver Herford

Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.

-- John Heywood

It is amazing at how small a price may the wedding ring be placed upon a worthless hand; but, by the beauty of our law, what heaps of gold are indispensable to take it off!

-- Douglas Jerold, 1858

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.

-- Samuel Johnson

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

-- Sam Kinison

Marriage is a lottery, but you can't tear up your ticket if you lose.

-- F. M. Knowles

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.

-- Stephen Leacock

I have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me.

-- Abraham Lincoln, in a letter to Mrs. O.H. Browning, April 1, 1838

I belong to Bridegrooms Anonymous. Whenever I feel like getting married, they send over a lady in a housecoat and hair curlers to burn my toast for me.

-- Dick Martin

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

-- Groucho Marx

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

-- Groucho Marx

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