Just cut and paste the authors name to find the rest of that persons quotes
Steven Wright Lines
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.
Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
Always try to be modest. And be VERY proud of it!
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse--it'll be a great trade!
Everybody repeat after me....."We are all individuals."
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Death to all fanatics!
Guests who kill talk show hosts--On the last Geraldo.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back.
Beware of geeks bearing gifts.
Half the people you know are below average.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.